Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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