Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
