connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
