I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
