Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
