hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
