so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
