***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
