Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
