It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
