Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
