I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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