Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
