I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
