dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
