had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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