Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
