the condom got lost in my hair
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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