you guys were way drunker than both of me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
