you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
