i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
