i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
