I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
