My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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