My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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