I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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