This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
