My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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