Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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