I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
