They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
