Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
