You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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