i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
