Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
