i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
