It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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