i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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