....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
