So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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