He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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