You smell like a Billy Joel song
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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