dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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