It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
