EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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