Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
