He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
