There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
