Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
