The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
