can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
