Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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