I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
