You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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