I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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