When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
