Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
