She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
