Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
