this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
