his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
