its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
