true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think people are normalizing furries
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
