I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
