Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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